Testimony Of Suzanne Eutsler

I have been putting off writing my testimony for many years because I always felt that it simply wasn’t good enough!! No sex, drugs, alcohol, smoking, just a ‘good’ Christian girl……but here’s my story.

I was 8 years old I was born-again and I started talking in tongues then too. I didn’t get prayed over or anything, so when people talk about that momentous occasion and your first 'true love' of Jesus, I don't recall that... I just know my life has never been my own! I remember lying in my bed at night and pretending to be on the bottom of a bunk bed and imagining Jesus lying on the top bunk with his arm hanging over the side and me holding His hand, and we used to talk……in some gobble-dy-goo language (which I now know to be tongues). I had no idea what I was doing, I just knew I felt good and always fell asleep easily.

I was raised Anglican but in high school went to Assemblies of God. I attended many churches from then.... including Liberty Christian Fellowship, Living Word, His People Christian Ministries (both in South Africa and London) amongst others.

I was "daddy’s little girl" … I had put him on a pedestal and I barely spoke to my mother because at the time I felt she was too tough on me and since I always got away with murder with dad I naturally preferred him. When I was 10 yrs old, my parents separated and it was intensely difficult for me. In the next few years my mom was to become one of my best friends. I was really naïve and innocent and didn’t know what divorce was. Life got really tough for me. I was suddenly living with my mother (who I wasn't close to at all), and I no longer had the man I idolized (dad)!! Megan (my sister) and I didn’t get on very well, because I was her little brat sister who was always hanging around, so I was REALLY lonely. How could I have known at 10 how much things would change in the relationships I had with my parents and my sister? My mom and I now get on very well, my sister is my best friend and my dad and I are close too.

1985 to 1997 were torture for me!! I carried on attending Church regularly. I was very involved in Sunday School and Youth and was a leader in a number of the church functions. In high school I HAD to go to Church every week, (I was in a boarding school run by a devout Catholic woman). It was the best time of my life spiritually. I attended Christian Assemblies (same as Assemblies of God), and for the first time in my life (and sadly the last time) I saw miracles, I mean real life miracles … People’s legs growing in front of my eyes, paralyzed walking etc. I grew a lot spiritually during this time. I was, however, VERY lonely and desperately missed my father.

I remember one Sunday when I was the only girl in the hostel without a visitor and I was feeling extremely depressed (btw, in those days I used to listen to Depeche Mode in order to depress myself), and I lay face down on my bed and sobbed. I cried to God that I was so lonely and hated where I was and I needed help. I felt the bed move as if someone had sat down next to me, and I felt the most warm and gentle touch on my back stroking my back (just the way my mother would have, if she had been there). After a few seconds I turned around to see who was there…nobody!! It was then that I KNEW God loved me and was always there for me! That was the first time I truly sensed His hand in my life, and gladly not the last time!

When I was 22 I was dating a guy at AOG who was studying to be a pastor. The church was having a ‘deliverance’ seminar and I attended. I really didn’t expect anything to happen. But God had big plans for me!! There were a couple of miracles that happened to me, (all of which are MUCH too long to explain in here - ask me about them sometime and I'll share them with pleasure), but basically He revealed to me the things that I was allowing to hinder my faith…. I wanted to be in control of my life and God could be in control AFTER that. (This is something I still struggle with to some extent, but I am taking giant leaps with it daily!!) He also showed me that I needed to learn to laugh again and enjoy life! I guess, having grown up without a father, I had to learn to do things myself and had to help mom with whatever needed doing, so I became independent and self-reliant and thereby lost some of that childlike innocence and joy I had in my younger years.

Literally 2 months later, I left to go and live and work in London for 2 years. I had NO idea beforehand how much this experience would test me, challenge me and change me. I became self-obsessed. I went through incredible emotional and spiritual roller-coasters whilst in London (away from family and friends). Eventually I allowed God into my heart again when He slapped me on the face for having a PITY PARTY and said “Do you see that building?” (I was on a bus going past Big Ben & the Houses of Parliament), I said “Yes”, and God said “You are a spoilt brat. Do you have ANY idea how many people across the world would give everything they have to see this ONCE and here you are whining because you don’t have family and friends here….. WELL MAKE SOME!! Your Church are your family, and your friends, and I’m here”. WOW, did I feel like an idiot!! I hung my head in shame, and from that day on, tried extra hard to enjoy my time in London.

Throughout my Christian walk I have had visions of the future life I would have……I always knew I would marry a man of God and always wondered if I'd marry a pastor. I always knew I was called to do more than I have ever done with my life and that what I was going to do would test my commitment to God more than anything else ever has. I knew I was to witness to people and counsel people but never knew where or when or how. However I have never felt that South Africa is where I was supposed to fulfill all of this. I KNEW that it wasn’t London, and I’ve always had a passion for America.

Hence, in about August 2000 I had a ‘wake-up’ call about where I believed God was calling me to…America! The passion in my heart for the USA was so unbelievably strong that I spent a lot of time and energy focusing and praying into it. A guy I worked with suggested that I 'chat' online to people in the USA if that was where I wanted to go, as they would be able to offer suggestions etc. I did as he suggested and started chatting to people online. I made some good friends there and some awful mistakes too. But we learn from our mistakes (if we're smart!). I applied for a visa and was turned down. I was distraught, however as I left the embassy I felt God saying “For I know the plans I have for you my child, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, now is not the time”. That was great to hear, but it confused me a lot!! I’d just quit my job and had sold my furniture (in faith) and now I had no clue if I was outside of His will or not. Anyway, I didn't give up and I carried on chatting on the internet.

I met Rick and he started ministering to me. He introduced me (online) to his dad and step mom, who also ministered to me. [I can honestly say that since I met them, my life has not been the same!!] God is using these people (and others) to open my eyes to His Word and the truth within it!! It hasn’t been easy for me. I have always believed what I was taught, and now I am being challenged (in a BIG way) to think for myself, and it’s been a bit freaky at times, but I have learnt so much and am becoming the woman God intended me to be!!

I am also learning to listen to criticism and listen for the truth within it and realize that it is not the person criticizing, but God revealing the truth within it so that you can change it and learn from it and learn to humble yourself and not be so self-obsessed that you take everything so personally.

At the beginning of this testimony I mentioned that I didn’t think my testimony was “good” enough …well, the truth is, I always thought God couldn’t use me or this simple testimony to witness to anyone. Well, in the past few months, He has used me repeatedly. God, in all His great wisdom, used someone I never IMAGINED would come NEAR me - a "baddy-4-shoes" to show me ("miss goody-2-shoes") that I can witness to ANYONE because we are all sinners saved by grace, none more-so than any other.

I always thought because I was a virgin when I got married, have never been drunk, never been to a club, never taken drugs etc, that I was better than anyone who had done ANY of those things. Sometimes only God can show you how simple minded you are.

Well, a few months ago I helped lead someone to the Lord and it felt wonderful!! I felt as if, for the first time in my life, I had accomplished something of great worth and I could finally accept that God can use anyone, as long as you are willing!!

The most recent addition to this testimony is how God has answered all my prayers and dreams and has worked out things in my life in a way that can only be miracles!!

I am now married to Rick (a minister who also has his own company designing and hosting websites), am living in America and have been blessed to be able to live with, work with and minister with my husband. I have been breaking free from a lot of insecurity, pride etc.

I am learning to trust God because without Him I am nothing but with Him I can do ALL things!! I am learning to seek His will and His timing in every situation. I am learning to turn to the Bible before turning to people. I am learning!!

It has been an incredible journey, and He has not yet completed His work in me!!

The best is yet to come!!